10 Most Mediocre Producers
"Mediocre" doesn't mean "worst."
- Ron "Have Mercy" Kersey
- Ric Wake
- Jack Gold
- Mike Mainieri
- Blues Traveler
- Chubb Rock
- Ani DiFranco
- Jerry Knight and Aaron Zigman
- David Wolfert
- John Church
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Top 5 Songs Where The Imitating Artist Excelled The Imitated One
- Jody Watley, "Lookin' For A New Love" (Janet Jackson)
- Prince, "3 Chains O' Gold" (Queen)
- Stevie Wonder, "Master Blaster (Jammin')" (Bob Marley)
- The Beatles, "Yer Blues" (Blues Breakers)
- Funkadelic's Mike Hampton, "Maggotbrain" (Funkadelic's Eddie Hazel)
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Top 5 Songs About James Taylor
- Joni Mitchell, "See You Sometime"
- Carly Simon, "We Have No Secrets"
- Joni Mitchell, "Just Like This Train"
- Carly Simon, "Jesse"
- James Taylor, "That's Why I'm Here"
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Great Songs On Lousy Albums
- Sheena Easton, "Fire And Rain"
- Chic, "You Are Beautiful"
- Godmoma, "Be All You Can Be"
- Kool & The Gang, "Get Down On It"
- Gwen Guthrie, "Joy Riders"
- The Time, "Skillet"
- Paula Abdul, "Straight Up"
- Mayte, "Ain't No Place Like U"
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Lousy Songs On Great Albums
- Mothers Of Invention, "The Chrome-Plated Megaphone Of Destiny"
- Beatles, "Good Night"
- Derek And The Dominos, "Thorn Tree In The Garden"
- Rolling Stones, "You Gotta Move"
- Jimi Hendrix Experience, "May This Be Love"
- Public Enemy, "She Watch Channel Zero"
- Neil Young, "Oh Lonesome Me"
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Most Colosally Ill-Conceived Covers
- Isaac Hayes & Millie Jackson, "Feels Like The First Time"
- Rickie Lee Jones, "Up From The Skies"
- Carly Simon, "I Got It Bad (And That Ain't Good)"
- Vanilla Fudge, "She's Not There"
- Aretha Franklin, "Eleanor Rigby" ("My name is Eleanor Rigby," she sings, as if not realizing that she'll die before the song is over.)
- Ray Charles, "How Deep Is The Ocean" (you have to hear Ray's falsetto to believe it)
- Supremes & Temptations, "The Weight"
- Deep Purple, "River Deep - Mountain High"
- Joni Mitchell, "A Case Of You" (special award for worst reinterpretation of own song)
- Le Tigre, "I'm So Excited"
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Best Songs Promoting Polyamory
- Isaac Hayes, "Moonlight Lovin' (Menage Á Trois)"
- Chef, "Simultaneous"
- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, "Triad"
- Rick James, "1, 2, 3 (U, Her & Me)"
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Best Songs From The Perspective Of A Homicidal Maniac
- The Rolling Stones, "Midnight Rambler"
- Gravediggaz, "Diary Of A Madman"
- Boss, "I Don't Give A Fuck"
- AC/DC, "Night Prowler"
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- Sugarhill Gang, "Rapper's Delight"
- Gary Byrd, "The Crown"
- René & Àngela, "I Love You More"
- Queen, "Another One Bites The Dust"
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Artists Everyone Raves About But No One Actually Listens To
- Robert Johnson
- The Sex Pistols
- Patti Smith
- Billie Holiday
- Velvet Underground
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Best Non-LP B-Sides
(I feel like I'm forgetting a couple of great ones...)
- Sly And The Family Stone, "Everybody Is A Star"
- Prince, "She's Always In My Hair"
- The Beatles, "I'll Get You"
- Prince And The Revolution, "Erotic City"
- The Beatles, "Day Tripper"
- The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "51st Anniversary"
- The Beatles, "Old Brown Shoe"
- The Gap Band, "Jam The Motha (Munchkin Mix)"
- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, "Find The Cost Of Freedom"
- Fleetwood Mac, "Silver Springs"
- Elton John, "Bad Side Of The Moon"
- LL Cool J, "Jack The Ripper"
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Most Clueless Songs About Prostitutes
(Again, I think I'm missing some egregious ones...)
- Elton John, "Island Girl"
- AC/DC, "What Do You Do For Money Honey?"
- Elton John, "Japanese Hands"
- Elton John, "Sweet Painted Lady"
- Digital Underground, "Good Thing We're Rappin'"
- Janis Ian, "Pro Girl"
- ZZ Top, "Mexican Blackbird" (The lyrics to "La Grange" are probably worse, but I can't figure them out.)
- Isaac Hayes, "Lady Of The Night"
- Donna Summer, "Bad Girls"
- Rick James, "P.I.M.P. The S.I.M.P."
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Best Songs About Prostitutes
- Funkadelic, "Cosmic Slop"
- Silvio Rodríguez, "Flores Nocturnas"
- The Police, "Roxanne"
- Funkadelic, "Trash A-Go-Go"
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